Something's Got a Hold on Me
by luvsbitca
Summary: [Roswell New Mexico] Alex shows up at Michael's trailer at 2am to talk to him - they need to do something to make this thing between them work or to finally decide to walk away from one another. They talk honestly with one another...finally.
1. The Talk

**Something's Got a Hold on Me**  
by luvsbitca

It was 2am and Alex knew he shouldn't be standing in front of Michael's trailer but he had been…distracted ever since the night at the drive-in…hell, if he was honest with himself Michael had been distracting him since the first time he'd realised that he was attracted to the other man. The first kiss, the stolen moments under bleachers and in closets, the long drawn out moments when Alex had been alone at home because his father was blissfully away on assignment and his mother was off cheating on his father. Alex needed to change something – he couldn't live swinging between his bone-deep need for Michael Guerin and his sense of duty and the knowledge that he could never have all of Michael even though the other man had owned his heart since they were seventeen. He couldn't keep doing this and he knew that something was going to have to give but he just couldn't walk away, he had gone off to war and he was still back here craving Michael Guerin.

He knocked on the door and heard movement from inside. He walked back over to the embers of the fire and sat down in one of the chairs. Michael swung the door open and then stepped down from the trailer before coming to sit next to Alex.

They sat next to one another for several quiet moments while Alex tried to remember why reaching out for Michael wouldn't make this better.

"It's been ten years," Alex started. "I went to war and came back and it's over ten years later and still you are the person I want. You are the reason I accepted that I was gay – you are the person who I looked at and wanted. Then you wanted me back and it was amazing. It was fucking perfect and terrible all at once because every time you touched me I couldn't think straight. Even when you weren't touching me I couldn't think straight and…I've never felt like that about anyone. But then I had to leave and it broke my heart to leave you but…I'm not going to go over that again we were both there and it…I left and I thought it was just the way you felt about your first love but I was wrong and I came back minus one leg, with nightmares of war and more than a touch of PTSD, but still you can make my heart race with a single look. I'm seventeen again and I don't want anything as much as I want you to touch me."

"I am right here," Michael offered. "I haven't gone anywhere."

"Why not?"

"What?"

"Why didn't you leave, you had more scholarship offers than I could hold in two hands. You are a genius; you were the smartest person in the state of New Mexico. When I left you were deciding on a university. I heard that you hadn't left but no one told me why – I didn't know how to even ask because no one knew about us back then. But that's not why I'm here."

"Why are you here?"

"Because I crave you, Michael. Do you have any idea what that's like?"

Michael nodded. "You know I do. Your dad broke my fucking hand because I have been craving you for ten years."

Alex looked at the scar on Michael's hand and remembered that horrible night before he pushed those memories away because he needed to focus on this conversation. "Then you also know we need to do something about this. We need to make this either work or work out how to walk away."

"I've never walked away; you are the one who walks away. You're the one who left to join the air force and you're the one who always gets to decide when we're done."

"You think I have the power in this relationship?" Alex scoffed. "You think I have any control over this?"

"You decided we would be a secret when we were teenagers. You left to join the air force."

"I left to save us both," Alex cut in harshly and turned to look at Michael who was watching him with dark eyes. "My father would have done so much worse than what he did that night…he broke your hand – look at that scar."

"I wouldn't have let that stop me," Michael said. "You decided that it was easier to walk away, it's…never mind."

"You thought that was _easy_? You don't think I broke my heart that day getting on a bus and watching you disappear into the distance. You don't think I spent months, years, wishing that things had been different that I could have seen another way to save us both? You think I haven't regretting leaving you?"

"I told you then that we could just leave."

"And never see my mum again? Never speak to my brothers?"

"And you would have had to stand up to your father," Michael said bitterly.

"You forgot me dragging him off you? You forgot that he broke my nose that night as well. He threatened to report you. He threatened to kill you if he ever found you touching me again. I needed to leave so that we would both be safe. Did you forget about the way that you treated me the next day?"

Michael's eyes shuttered the way they always did when he was hiding something.

"And that," Alex said, "that way you hide things from me. You knew everything about me – you knew me better than anyone and I…I knew you were hiding something from me and then that day I came to you and I wanted to say 'let's run away' but you acted like you didn't know me, you told me not to get so emotional – it meant nothing, you…you broke my fucking heart in front of our high school so I did what my dad wanted and I joined the Air Force and got away from my dad and ensured he'd leave you the fuck alone as well and you've blamed me for it ever since. You might have offered to run away with me when you found out I was leaving but you never trusted in us."

"Ensure he'd leave me the fuck alone?" Michael screamed, something crashed to the left and Alex's eyes looked over at the heap that had been stacked perfectly when he'd walked past it earlier.

"And that!" Alex screamed. "How do you do that? I know it's you, I know it's you because the first time I slid into you the entire room shook."

Michael looked…he looked scared and Alex had never, ever, no matter how mad he was a Michael, never wanted him to be scared. Too much in Michael's life had scared him and Alex had always wanted to be the sanctuary that Michael could escape to.

"I want you to know that you can share anything with me, Michael," he said softly, sitting back and trying to relax. "It always hurt so fucking much that you hid everything from me."

"What do you want from me?" Michael said, looking away but not before Alex saw the sheen to his eyes. "You come here at 2am and tell me that we can't keep doing what we've been doing but you started this. You came to my trailer and you decided that we were going to start something up. You stayed. You asked me to the movies. You decided it couldn't work so what the fuck do you want from me?"

"The only thing I've ever wanted from you is you. I want you. I want to fall asleep next to you and wake up with you. I want to fight with you and love you. I want to eat breakfast in your crappy trailer and I want to camp in the desert with you. I want your forever, Michael."

Michael's shoulders slumped down and his head hung low. "Why do you do this to me?"

"What?"

"Why do you come here and offer me everything? You did this ten years ago – you offered me something and then you left. Everyone fucking leaves. You're here offering me something I know that you're going to take away from me later. Why do you hate me?"

Alex felt like Michael had punched him, 1, 2, in the gut and in the heart. "Don't you get it, Michael – I love you, I've loved you for over ten years. I loved you when I was a stupid kid and I look at you now and I just want to love you again but I don't know how to do that."

"What do you want from me?" Michael asked. "I've given you everything I have and it's never been enough."

"It was always enough – you're enough but you're self-destructive as well. You keep testing me and giving me reasons to pull away and then you're mad when I do. And I hate walking away and then we both end up coming back together and then going through the same thing again and I can't keep doing that to you or to myself. I need this to either be a thing we are doing or I need you to let me go."

"What do you want from me?"

"I need you to not be a criminal. I need you to just let me in a little."

"I can't tell you all my secrets," Michael said. "They aren't mine."

Alex nodded. "They are Max and Isobel's too, right?"

Michael didn't answer, just nodded.

"Then don't tell me – but don't use it as a way to get me to run away. If we could just break that pattern – if you would stop giving me reasons to walk away and I could just stop giving you reasons to not trust that I want to stay maybe we could make this work and that's what I want – I want this to work, Michael."

"So do I," Michael admitted, voice low. "I tried like hell to forget you and I've never been able to. One look at you on that farm and I wanted you."

"Do you want to go out to dinner with me tomorrow night?" Alex asked.

Michael turned to look at him. "What?"

"Do you want to go on a date with me tomorrow night…tonight? Dinner at that Italian restaurant?"

"You want to be seen out in public with me?"

"I want to scream from the rooftops that you and I are dating and we're going to give this a go but I thought I was best to start with a date."

"You want people to know about us?" Michael asked, turning at looking at him, searching him. Alex wanted to reach out and touch him but he hadn't touched him at all tonight and he was terrified that if he did this would all be over and their moment of honesty would fade like the stars under the glare of the sun.

"Yes."

"You never wanted people to know about us."

"I was a teenager with a homophobic, abusive father who was trying to beat the gay out of me while I was discovering the wonders of homosexuality with a guy who was everything my dad hated. I was terrified that we would be found out and my dad would do exactly what he did."

Michael put his hand on the side of Alex's neck.

"I'm not that kid anymore," Alex said.

"I saw you talking to your father the night of the drive-in – before everything went to shit."

"He told me I was spending time with the wrong sort of person and he can go fuck himself. I don't care about your past, Michael but he's also right – I can't be dating a criminal not if I'm in the air force."

"What am I supposed to do?"

"Why did you need to sell the wire?"

"Money."

Alex looked at him.

"It's not always easy to get a job with my background."

Alex thought for a moment and then asked the question that he'd wanted to know the answer to for over a decade. "Why didn't you go to university?"

"You remember the foster father I was living with at that point?"

"Hank something, right?"

"Yeah," Michael's hand slipped off him and rubbed against the skin of his knee. Alex could see a faded scar under his hand. "Someone broke into a warehouse on the air force base. They found the stuff at Hank's place and he said it was mine – claimed I was out during the break-in and there was no actual evidence against me and nothing to prove that I was there but I said I was home and my guardian said I wasn't. Suddenly, I have a criminal record and my scholarships dried up along with all of the offers to any university worth anything. The boss here, old Toby, never did believe it so he gave me a chance and I've worked here for most of the last ten years but it doesn't pay much and it's not easy to find something else when you're a criminal who's pissed off the Air Force in a base town."

"You're leaving something out," Alex said, watching Michael's eyes.

"It's not worth it, Alex, leave it alone."

"Please tell me."

"Your father made sure I was brought up on charges – Sheriff Valenti was away at the time and his deputy did what the decorated Air Force officer told him to. If it hadn't have been for him they wouldn't have charged me – there was no evidence and people around knew what Hank was like."

"I'm going to kill him," Alex muttered, shoving a hand through his hair. "We had a fucking deal – I join the Air Force and he leaves you the fuck alone."

"Yeah, well, your father's a double-crossing bastard."

"I'm so sorry, Michael."

Michael shrugged. "Probably won't have left anyway…I'm-"

"You deserve the fucking world, Michael. You deserved every scholarship, you deserved to get to make the decisions about where your life took you. I am so fucking mad at him – you don't deserve any of the shit being with me put you through."

Michael chuckled. "Being with you was worth almost anything."

"No, being with me stole your future."

Michael's hand slid rough and hot against the side of Alex's neck and pulled his attention back to the curly-haired man. "Being with you gave me…being with you was…fuck, Alex, it's not your fault what your dad did. You should have told me that was the deal and I'm sorry about the way I treated you the day after everything happened – I wish I could explain it all. Being with you brought me to life. Yes, I'd like to go on a date with you tonight."

Alex smiled. There was so much more between them than either of them had ever even known. "I know you have this secret and I'll respect that but I'm going to ask you one thing."

Michael nodded.

"Don't lie to me. Tell me you can't tell me, tell me it's none of my business but don't lie to me and don't push me away. I want to be here – I want to be worthy of bringing you to life."

Michael nodded.

"And I won't leave because of something stupid. I hear communication is important to this type of thing."

Michael looked away for a moment, his face shuttering. "I have a lot of secrets."

"You can trust me with any secret but I will wait for you to be ready."

"I might never be able to tell you my secrets." Michael said, pulling his hand away. Alex grabbed at it and held it tight. "Can you accept that?"

Alex paused and thought on it because Michael was being honest here and whatever this secret was it was big and involved two other people and Michael really might never be able to tell him and it would always be between them. But he'd lost ten years with this man and the idea of missing more because of a secret, because of something that wasn't about them made him sure. "Yes, be as honest with me as you can and I will leave your secret alone. I don't want to miss more time with you, Michael."

"Neither do I."

Alex sat back and kept a hold of Michael's hand. They sat in silence again for a few minutes.

"Come inside," Michael said finally.

"No, I should go home."

"Come inside."

"We are going to do this right. We have our first date tonight."

"We don't need to do anything…just-"

"Yes, I'll stay," Alex said pulling Michael's hand up and pressing a kiss over the scar. "I'll need to leave at about 6 to get ready for work; do you want me to wake you?"

Michael shrugged and Alex decided right then that he would wake him and he'd work out all of the little ways that Michael showed what he wanted but didn't think he deserved.

Michael stood and led him into the trailer, leading him over to the bed. They striped off to boxers and Michael watched him, not taking his eyes off him while Alex pulled off his prosthetic and the protective sock. Alex had seen any number of reactions to the injury but Michael's gaze was intent without gawking.

"What happened?

Alex looked down at his leg and sighed. "Could we talk about it another time? I just want to feel you lying next to me."

Michael looked away and nodded before he slipped into the bed next to Alex.

"I do want to tell you everything," Alex said, pressing a kiss to Michael's shoulder. "It was a terrible accident. I got shot and then run over by a jeep."

Michael pulled away and looked at him.

"The driver was shot as well; I couldn't get out of the way of the vehicle because I'd been shot in the leg and was pinned down. The car drove over my leg and between the two injuries they couldn't save it. It's not nearly as glamorous as a bomb or an IED but it earns me a drink at every Air Force bar injury competition."

Michael pulled away and leaned down to press a kiss to the scar. Then he curled around Alex and rested his head on the other man's chest. Alex didn't know what to say.

"Go to sleep, you've got almost three hours of sleep in front of you."

Alex slid a hand into Michael's curls and closed his eyes.

The End


	2. The Date

I thought I was done, I am not done with these two. So, I decided to take them on a date and hoped for fluff...

**The Date**

Michael was pulling apart an alternator when his phone sounded. He glanced over and froze when he saw Alex's name on he display. He pulled his hands out of the delicate bits and cleaned then off before swiping his phone open and looking at the message – heart caught between hope and worry.

**I'm not sure what time you finish work. Can I pick you up a 6:30?**

Michael smiled broadly, almost unwilling to admit that he'd been half convinced that this night was going to slip through his fingers like everything else in his life that he really, really wanted. He still was if he was honest with himself but he wanted it to work and he kept thinking about the look on Alex's face that morning when he'd said yes to the date.

He typed out his replay and then sent another message off to Isobel.

**About 5 or whenever I've finished with the newest car. I will see you then.**

**Can I come over and use your shower tonight at half past 5?**

Michael put the phone back down on the bench and buried himself back into the alternator.

At lunch there were two messages from Isobel.

**You are asking? You never ask. **

**I'll see you then, Noah is making dinner if you want to stay. **

Michael thought about telling her that he had a date but she'd probably show up here to ask him all sorts of questions. He'd save that one for when he was about to escape off to the date. He didn't bother responding to her at all and ate his lunch. He was about to go back to work when he phone went off again with Alex's response.

**I'm really looking forward to our date. See you then. **

Michael smiled as he started stripping the engine on his next car.

At half past five, Michael knocked on Isobel's door and she opened it immediately.

"Hello," she smirked, blocking his way inside.

"Hi…can I come in?"

"Why isn't the bathroom in your trailer good enough tonight?"

Michael shrugged.

"You're going to need to answer me if you want in."

Michael sighed. "I have a date."

Isobel gaped at him and he slid past her.

"Hey Noah," Michael said, smiling at the other man. "I'm just going to go and have a shower."

Noah waved at Michael. "Towels are on the bench next to the sink. I've never seen her gobsmacked before."

Michael smirked and kept walking. He was halfway through his shower when he heard the knock on the bathroom door.

"Go away, Isobel."

"Who are you going on a date with?"

Michael didn't bother to answer just put his head under the spray and rinsed out the shampoo in his hair. He finished his shower and got dressed. When he opened the bathroom door he wasn't at all surprised to find Isobel standing on the other side.

"Thanks, Is."

"Nope," she shook her head at him. "That's not good enough by half. Who are you going on a date with?"

"Alex."

"Manes?"

Michael nodded.

"You never date. Ever."

"I changed my mind," he nodded at Noah and started for the door. "Thanks for the shower. I'll see you later."

"I need more information, Michael."

"Noah, if she's not sure what a date is, I blame you."

Noah laughed. "I shall rectify it immediately."

Michael left while Isobel was still glaring at him. He drove home and then had no idea what to do with the time between arriving there and when Alex was going to be picking him up. He wasted some time tidying his trailer and then grabbed a book he could easily ignore and settled in a chair outside. He looked to the junkyard's entrance every time he heard a car and finally he saw Alex's. He threw the book through his door and stood while Alex parked, got his crutch, and climbed out of the car.

Alex smiled at him. "Best thing I've seen all day."

Michael couldn't resist smiling at that line. "Hello, soldier."

"Airman."

"Hello, airman."

Alex held out the box in his hands.

"What's that?"

"You'll have to open it to find out."

Michael took it from Alex's hands and pulled it open. He smiled when he saw what was inside; he pulled out the heavy fruit and lifted it to his nose. He'd always loved pomegranates but it was not something his foster families had ever thought important enough to buy. The first time he'd eaten it was with Max and Isobel. But Alex had known and it was one of the ways that Michael had suspected the other boy might have been interested in him all that time ago.

"Thank you."

"I remember how you loved them."

Michael stepped forward and pressed a kiss to the corner of Alex's mouth. "I'll just put them inside."

When he came back out, Alex was sitting in the car and Michael climbed into the passenger seat.

"I've never been on a first date before," Michael said, watching Alex's hands as he started the car.

Alex looked over and smiled at him. "I think you're going to like it."

Michael nodded. "I have high hopes."

Alex looked nervous for a moment before he drove out of the junkyard. He realised that in a way both of them had been waiting for this date for over ten years. He felt a sudden wave of pressure pushing on his chest.

Michael's fingers suddenly curled around his ear and scratched at the skin at his hairline. "Don't worry about it, Alex. It's good to know that you look the same when you're nervous about something now as you did back then."

Alex smiled, feeling something new settling in that place in his solar plexus that had been hollowing out for years. "I think I like being nervous that my date won't be good enough for your first date rather than being nervous that my father might catch us and…well, catch us."

"I don't think you can fail at this."

"I have been waiting to do this for ten years; I think I'm nervous for both of us."

Michael sat back. "I hadn't thought of it quite like that."

"Did you want to go on dates with me back then?"

"We did go on one date…kind of," Michael said, settling back in his seat. "You remember when we both went to see the _Star Trek_ movie reboot. We sat three seats apart and made out in the emergency access hallway after the movie was done."

Alex laughed. "You went to see that with Isobel – I was so jealous I missed the whole movie."

"Me and Isobel," Michael made a face. "Nope, never."

"Never?"

"She's like my sister. And trust me; my attention wasn't on her during that movie. It was on Spock and the guy sitting three seats down."

Alex's cheeks flushed red and he was glad they had turned into the parking lot at that moment so he didn't need to respond. Michael had always been more intense than Alex had quite known what to do with. The way he would look at Alex when they were alone – as he'd said that day at the Foster ranch, Michael had never looked away and that was their whole relationship. Alex was determined to do better and that meant meeting Michael's gaze and telling the other man the truth of how he felt. His therapist had told him it was important too. Michael deserved better than what Alex had been able to provide him in high school and now that Alex could he wanted to give the other man the same attention that he'd been lucky enough to get from Michael.

They climbed out of the car and walked into the restaurant. Alex settled his hand on the back of Michael's lower back while they were waiting for a waiter to show them to their table. Michael pressed back into the hand before walking to their table.

"Spock, huh?" Alex asked when they were alone again and looking over the menu.

Michael grinned at him. "Yeah."

Alex thought on it. "I was always more interested in Kirk – smart, dedicated, a little reckless, and always having his uniform ripped off-world."

"You know, I've heard people say something about them being a couple."

"Definitely in love."

"What are you getting?"

Alex shrugged. "I'm never sure what to order."

"I'm always a fan of _pork ragu casarecce_."

"Where is that and what is that?"

Michael reached over and pointed to the item. "It's slow cooked pork with pasta."

"That does sound good. But do we want to get the same thing?"

"If you get that I'll get the _gnocchi bianco_ and we can try each other's."

Alex's lips quirked. "And some garlic bread?"

"Yeah."

"Do you want wine? Or, should we stick with beer?"

Michael shook his head. "Just water for me tonight."

Alex cocked an eyebrow at him rather than ask. Michael shrugged and didn't answer but he did get the attention of the waiter so they could order.

"So, Michael," Alex said, leaning forward and looking directly into Michael's eyes. "Tell me about you."

Michael frowned at him. "What?"

"It's our first date, tell me all about you."

Michael nodded, resting one arm on the table and relaxing back. "I'm working as a mechanic at the moment out at the junkyard where you picked me up tonight. Up until recently I was working as a ranch hand out on Foster's Ranch but the Air Force bought the place and kicked me out. Word is they are building another secret research facility to house aliens."

Alex smiled and shook his head. "Aliens?"

Michael nodded.

"Do you believe in aliens?"

"You don't?"

"I think there is a very real probability that in a universe as large as this then Earth is not the only planet to support life. But, I don't think that the Air Force is hiding, poorly, contact from an off-world species."

"Off-world species?"

Alex shrugged. "I like it better."

"I forgot how much of a sci-fi nerd you are."

"Michael?" they both turned to find the source of the voice. A blonde woman was walking towards them, the tendrils of a jellyfish tattoo peeking out from beneath her sleeve and a broad grin on her face. Next to her was another woman whose eyes were flicking between Michael and Alex.

Michael stood up. "Rizzo."

She slapped him and then hugged him. "Don't call me that."

"Rizzo, this is Alex. Alex, this is my friend Margaret. She's a tattoo artist."

"The one who did the-"

"Yeah," Michael interrupted. "And this is her sister Kelly."

"I haven't seen you around in a while, what have you been up to?" Margaret asked.

"Working at the junkyard again. Nothing much. You?"

"I'm working on this monster dragon tattoo but it's so fucking delicate that I feel like it's seducing the guy it's on."

"What are you doing here?" Kelly asked abruptly.

"I'm on a date with Alex."

Kelly's eyes tightened. "You don't date; you told me you don't date."

Michael made an almost shrugging move with his shoulders and then looked at Alex. "Alex is different."

"Why?" Kelly demanded.

"That is one of the great mysterious questions of the universe," Michael said, voice matter-of-fact even though his eyes were soft on Alex. "I just know he is."

Alex smiled back at him, wishing they were alone because he would really like to kiss the other man. But he did not want to do that with Kelly's eyes still on them.

"Bastard," Kelly said turning away.

"Sorry," Margaret said. "I didn't realise or I wouldn't have come over."

Michael waved a hand. "We'll get together at that bar you like soon and have a proper catch up."

Margaret nodded. "And you can tell me all about your boyfriend."

Michael looked at Alex. "Yeah. See ya, Rizzo."

"Bye, Michael. It was nice to meet you, Alex."

"Goodnight, Margaret."

She walked away and Alex looked at Michael while the other man looked everywhere but at him.

"So…" Alex started.

"I…I'm not sure what to say."

Alex smiled and reached over for Michael's hand. "Tell me the truth."

"We hooked up a few times. She wasn't happy with just sex and I don't think she's forgiven me but I never lied about what it was."

The waiter came over then and placed down their meals. They were silent for a few minutes as they tried their food. Michael scooped up gnocchi onto his bread plate and slid it over the table to Alex.

"Thanks," Alex said. "You've always been a very honest person."

Michael huffed. "I've had the exact opposite of that screamed at me."

"We both have secrets. I'm in the Air Force and some of my duties are classified. You have something in your past you can't talk about but that doesn't stop you from being an honest person."

"If we don't eat this is going to get cold."

Alex nodded and pushed his own bread plate, full of his meal, over to Michael. "This is really good, thanks for the suggestion."

"I'm not sure if I believe that you can just let my secrets go."

"I have my own secrets, none of them about you or us – nothing that impacts on us and if you can let me have mine then why shouldn't I be able to accept that you have yours."

"Mine are about me."

"But are they about us?"

"Isn't a secret about me really a secret between us?"

Alex twirled pasta around on his fork and thought about it but he'd lived the last ten years of his life learning to accept that some things were need to know and that he was often not the person who needed to. If anyone was able to accept what Michael was offering it would be him and he was coming to accept that he couldn't imagine a future where it wasn't him – where he could sit back and watch Michael with someone else.

"Yes," Alex said. "But I can live with that. I want to live with that. I want this with you and I cannot imagine wanting this with anyone else and I cannot even picture watching you with someone else. This is our first date and I want this to be a beginning for us. I meant what I said this morning, I want us to get to know each other and I know how to accept that there are some things I can never know and I have learned how to let it go. The Air Force is good for that."

"Are you sure?" Michael asked, looking down at his empty plate. "I don't want to have to watch you walk away again?"

"I am, I want this to last forever."

Michael huffed. "Asking me to marry you already?"

Alex knew he was defecting but he wondered if that was a future Michael would want. "Maybe after our third date."

Michael looked up and stared at him.

"But we don't need to rush into anything. We've got as long as we want."

Michael picked up his water and drank the whole thing in one go.

"When we were younger," Alex said, watching Michael. "I always found your passion a little overwhelming. I never wanted to stop touching you and I thought about you all the time and…well, you remember how much I enjoyed our time together." Michael's lips quirked in a smile. "But I remember you telling me how much you wanted me and that terrified me a bit back then because I didn't know how to even talk about being gay let alone say that I was in love with you. But you were so brave. I wasn't brave back then and you deserved me to be."

"You were brave, the shit your dad did to you."

"I wanted to be able to hold your hand and go to the movies with you and actually sit next to you. I wanted to have dates and make out in the car during a drive-in and be strong enough to tell my dad that we're involved. I didn't do any of that back then and I want to now. And I'll admit that my last few therapy sessions haven't been about my leg or my experiences overseas they have mostly been about you and our relationships."

"Relationships?"

"Then and now."

"You talked about me to your therapist?"

Alex nodded. "You've been on my mind since the second I saw you on Foster's Ranch. We've got this chance and I'm going to be brave."

"You were always brave."

"Not like you."

"You don't see yourself clearly," Michael said. "You also said last night that you wanted to take things slowly."

"I don't want us to get distracted by sex because I think about you and sex a lot."

"So do I…we'll just date for a while."

"Yeah, and I think our first-" the waiter stopped by their table.

"Can I take those?" They indicated the plates and Michael nodded. "Would you like the dessert menu?"

"Sure," Michael said.

The plates were taken away and Alex kept going. "-I think our first date is going well and I know we just agreed not to have sex but would you like to come back to my place for chocolate cake and to talk and not have sex."

"That might be the best offer I've ever had."

Alex laughed. "Let's get out of here."

They drove out to Alex's house.

"Isn't this Sheriff Valenti's hunting cabin?" Michael asked.

"Yeah, he left it to me when he died. I think he was giving me somewhere safe when I came back to Roswell. He knew about what happened with my dad. He offered to help me but I didn't want to report it."

"He's your dad," Michael said. "Now, you promised me chocolate cake."

"I went out after work and got it just in case."

"You asked me to tell you about myself earlier," Michael said sitting on the couch. "You need to tell me about you now."

Alex carried the cake over and they sat together talking about the ten years they'd missed.

**The End**


	3. The Morning After

**The Morning After**

Alex felt light. He had never felt quite this combination of happy, relieved, and excited for the future. The date with Michael the night before had gone amazingly. The other man had been willing to come back to Alex's place the night before and they had spent a long time just kissing before they slept curled together. Alex had woken with the sun and Michael's lips pressed into the skin of his neck. They hadn't had this the first time – they were young and hiding and Alex had been terrified of what would happen if his father or Michael's foster father had found out about what they were doing. Now that they had a true second chance, Alex wanted everything – he wanted nights out and nights in, he wanted kissing under the stars and sex, he wanted kisses first thing in the morning and just before bed and for no reason at all. He wanted forever with Michael.

He re-read the first paragraph of the report in front of him and hoped that no one would notice that he was struggling to focus on anything but his clock and the countdown to the end of the day.

There was a knock on his door and a member of his unit opened the door.

"Sergeant Manes, Chief Master Sergeant Manes is here to see you."

Alex forced a smile to supress the grimace and nodded. "Please send him in."

Alex pushed the laptop in front of him closed as he stood – his father might outrank him but the older man wasn't in his unit so his work was still outside of the other man's purview. As soon as his father was in the small office with the door closed behind him Alex tightened himself up to attention and saluted his father.

"Sir."

"At ease," his father said, returning the salute. "I'm here to speak to you about last night."

Alex shook his head. "That's got nothing to do with the Air Force. If you want to talk about last night you can do so after my shift. I'm off duty at 1630 hours. I will be at your quarters at 1645 hours."

His father looked at him with something very like anger but he didn't start a formal dressing down. "I will see you then."

Alex saluted his father again.

As soon as the other man was gone, Alex opened his laptop and signed back in. The shine was somewhat rubbed off his good mood but Michael had said they would see one another that night so no matter what happened with his father there was something to look forward to. He had expected to hear his father's views on the night before but for the very first time in his life he had come to the realisation that he truly didn't care anymore what his father wanted him to do or what his father thought of his choices.

-)(-)(-

Michael had been underneath a Jeep for the better part of two hours when he heard the tap-tap of heels that could only be Isobel.

"Shouldn't you be at work?" he asked.

"I'm on a break," she said. "I came to talk to you about what you told me last night."

"You're going to have to be more specific."

"You had a date last night with Alex Manes."

"Yes," Michael said with a smile.

"Are you going to come out from under that car?"

Michael sighed and pushed the trolley out from under the car. He looked up at her and sat up.

"How was your date?" Isobel started.

"Good."

Isobel's eyebrows shot up. "It must have been amazing for you to admit it was good."

Michael shrugged.

"Oh," she said, eyes getting uncomfortably soft. "It was him."

Michael felt his scalp getting hot; uncomfortable in his exposure. "What?"

"Back then, back when everything was happening you had someone. Max and I knew about it but we didn't know who it was and then everything happened and…it was him back then?" Michael nodded. "And it's still him."

Michael nodded. "It's always been him."

Isobel stepped over and threw her arms around him. "Oh Michael."

Michael looked at his hands and tightened his upper arms around him instead of getting her any dirtier.

"I'm happy for you," she said quietly.

"Thanks."

She pulled back and kissed his cheek. "Bring him to my house for dinner on Saturday night, 6pm."

"I don't know if he's available."

Isobel smiled. "Just ask him."

"I will."

She pulled away and smiled at him. "You deserve to be happy."

Michael shrugged, the uncomfortable feeling in his scalp back.

"I'll talk to you later," she said before she walked out of the garage.

Michael washed his hands and found his phone to send a message to Alex.

**Is just invited us to dinner on Saturday. You free?**

Then he got back to work knowing that Alex wouldn't be able to respond until after he got off duty unless he had time to visit his locker at lunchtime.

-)(-)(-

Alex walked to his locker as quickly as he was able to at lunchtime. He fished out his phone and looked down at the screen while he dug the sandwich he's made from his bag. He turned around and leaned against the locker next to his as he read Michael's text. He typed out a response one-handed and hoped the other man was available to respond.

**I am, I'd like to go to dinner with your friends.**

Michael – **Family, I may not be related to them by blood but they are my family.**

Alex smiled as he responded. **That's how I think of them too.**

Michael – **I warn you, she's super nosy.**

Alex – **I may not know her as well as I know you but I've knowsn her for a long time. **

Michael – **you have no idea**

Alex – **Maybe you can tell me all about it tonight**

Michael – **Yeah  
****You still wanna get together?**

Alex's first response was to wonder if Michael meant her didn't want to get together but that had always been their problem and his therapist told him that he needed to learn to talk.

Alex – **I do but if you have something else you need to do I understand. **

Michael – **Nah, what do you wanna do?**

Alex – **You want to come over and we can watch a movie?  
****Or ignore it and make out on the couch.**

Michael – **I'll bring pizza**

Alex – **And pocorn**

Michael – **and popcorn**

Alex – **and maybe you can stay over again and we can not have sex.**

Michael – **that's a pretty interesting offer**

Alex – **My break's almost over and I need to get back to my unit's building. I will be home by 1730. Come over anytime after that. **

Michael – **see you then.**

-)(-)(-

Michael walked out of his trailer and stopped when he spotted the sheriff's deartment car driving into the junkyard. He walked to one of the chairs instead and slouched down into it. Max climbed out of his car and joined him.

"Hey."

"Hey," Max said.

"Isobel called you?"

"Dropped by actually," Max said. "And Liz mentioned it this morning at the Crashdown. Jenna told me she'd seen you and Sheriff Valenti said she thought you both looked very happy."

Michael didn't like being the topic of so much gossip but he also enjoyed the fact they were not hiding anything.

"He's in the Air Force." Max said, staring down at Michael.

"I know, he's been on three tours, wears the uniform quite often, and he lost a leg to war. I am not so stupid I would miss his profession."

"Do you think it's a good idea to date someone in the military?"

Michael clenched his hands. "You don't have any right to make judgements about who I date."

Max leaned back. "You're really dating him?"

"Yes."

"You never date."

"I'm dating Alex."

"How serious is this?"

Michael shrugged.

Max rubbed at his forehead. "That serious, shit."

"You don't get to judge when you out our secret to a woman you haven't seen in ten years."

"I couldn't let her die."

"You got to make that decision. I get to make this one."

"It's different."

"No, it's not." Michael argued, because maybe he didn't talk about his feelings like Max did but this was the same damn thing except Michael and Alex had had something…still had something…would hopefully have something for a long time to come.

"It's not?" Max asked, voice just a touch unsure.

"Nope."

Max took his hat off and scratched at his scalp. "So, Is was right – you and Alex had a thing back then and you've started it back up."

"It never really ended. I figure you'll understand that."

"He's in the Air Force." Max said again like that was actually important.

"And what if Liz was in the Air Force, would it make any fucking difference to you?"

Max shook his head, not wanting to answer, not wanting to concede the argument to Michael, or simply not able to work out what to think. "No."

"Exactly."

Max nodded. "I've been invited on Saturday."

"I expect you to be nice to him."

Max stood up. "Of course I will. He can't know though, Michael, you have to know that. You have to see that this is dangerous."

"He knows I have a secret and he's not asking me to tell him."

"And you're not going to," Max said, voice authoritarian. Michael hated that tone so he looked at Max until the other man assumed compliance without actually getting any. "I'll see you Saturday."

"Bye."

Michael waited until the car left before he went back into the garage and climbed under the car.

-)(-)(-

Alex knocked on his father's door at 1645 hours exactly. The door opened and his father stood to the side to let him in.

"Father."

"Alex."

"What do you want to talk about?"

"I have heard that you were seen out with that Guerin boy last night."

Alex nodded. "We had a date."

CMSgt Manes' lips compressed. "I thought we had already discussed this, Alex. He is not the type of person someone in the Air Force should be associating with."

"You talked," Alex said, walking over to the chair and sitting. "But you're wrong and I don't care what you think I should or shouldn't be doing or who you think is good enough to be dating me. I'm dating Michael Guerin and there is nothing you can do about it this time."

"You will come to see reason. Just like you did last time."

Alex's hands balled into fists. "I did not come to see reason last time. Last time you tried to beat the gay out of me, you blackmailed me to make me leave Michael and join the air force. We had a deal too – I join the air force, leave Michael and you leave him alone. Did you hold up our agreement?"

His father huffed. "He broke into the base."

"No he didn't and you know it too. You had him charged knowing that it would mean he couldn't go to university. You did that to him just because he and I were involved. Do you hate that I'm gay that much? That everyone around me who is complicit in my delinquency needs to be punished too?"

"He deserved what he got – he's a criminal."

"No, you made him one. You took away his future with your bigoted actions. You sent me to a career and a war I never wanted and you stopped him having the future he deserved all because we didn't follow your orders, because we didn't fit into the plan you had for the perfect air force family. Well, we were lucky enough to find our way back to one another so you can go fuck yourself and you can keep your opinions to yourself. I'm dating Michael Guerin, maybe one day I'll even marry him. And there is nothing you, or the American Air Force, can do about it."

"He's a criminal."

"I don't care."

"No son of mine will disgrace the uniform like this."

Alex felt a calmness he hadn't known outside of quiet moments in Michael's embrace. "Then consider me no son of yours."

"What did you say, Airman?"

Alex huffed. "I said that as far as I am concerned I am no longer your son. I have no interest in hearing your opinions on my life or my choices."

"You would give up your family for that man?"

Alex smiled. "For Michael Guerin, I would give up a lot more than a terrible father like you."

"I am not a terrible father."

"You are wrong there as well. I am going to refrain from mentioning all of the ways that you are a terrible father."

"I taught you better than to disrespect your father like this."

Alex's temper snapped. "You physically abused me from the moment you worked out I was gay. You emotionally abused me, my brothers, and our mother my whole life. You wanna know why she cheated on you – because you treated her like nothing more than an airman who was on report. If you were home you were a tyrant. If you were away you were a spectre that we hoped never came home. You wanted the perfect air force family and all you did was drive your wife to an early grave, forced your children to escape as far from you as possible and never come back. So, now I'm done trying to protect our relationship. I'm done caring what you think or what you say. I'm going home and having another date with Michael Guerin – the second of many, by the way."

Alex stood and before he could leave his father's hand settled over the crutch on his arm. "You're going to desert your family?"

"You underestimate your sons; my brothers accept that I'm gay. They will be happy for me, happy that I've found someone finally…that I've finally accepted that I found him over ten years ago. We will still be family. I will go to events that you are invited to as well, christenings, birthdays, all sorts of things but as far as I'm concerned you are just a higher ranking airman who is stationed on the same base."

"I won't accept that."

Alex nodded. "That is your choice."

"You will regret this…and so will your friend."

Alex twisted out of his father's hand and grabbed his father, pushing him into the wall behind him.

"Last time you threatened Michael in front of me I was a kid who had no power to resist you but you had best listen to me, Chief Master Sergeant Jesse Manes, I am not going to let you do anything to Michael. I am not going to let you touch this. I am not going to let you hurt him or hurt me. Do not think that just because you outrank me or you are biologically related to me that I am going to allow you to take something so important away from me again. If you try anything against us or our relationship you will live to regret it."

Alex stepped back and walked out of the quarters. "Goodbye, Chief Manes."

-)(-)(-

Alex heard the knock on the door as he was rubbing the water off his shoulders. He tied the towel around his waist and grabbed his crutch to hop to the door. He opened it to find Michael standing on the other side with two pizza boxes and a packet of microwave popcorn. Michael looked at Alex's chest for a long minute and then he cleared his throat.

"Hi."

"Hi," Alex smiled at him. "Come in."

Michael waited for Alex to turn around before he stepped in. Michael leaned around the boxes to kiss Alex quickly on the lips.

"I just need to get dressed."

"No rush."

Alex reached out and snagged Michael to pull him back into another kiss. "The pizza smells good, should we just eat out of the boxes?"

"What are we watching?" Michael asked, nosing at Alex's cheek and kissing the skin beneath the other man's ear.

"We won't be watching anything if I don't go get dressed and you don't put the pizza down."

Michael pulled away and nodded. "It's a very nice view."

Alex smiled and started moving towards the bedroom where his prosthetic was waiting. When he came out Michael was sitting on the couch, the pizza was on the coffee table, and there were two bottles of beer waiting for them. Alex settled down next to Michael and turned the TV on.

"What are we watching?"

"I figured we'd just find something on Netflix."

Michael nodded. "Something with explosions."

Alex handed him the remote. "You choose. I need food."

They found something to watch and after the pizza was finished Michael leaned over until they were resting against one another. Eventually they ended up lying on the couch curled together and separating only long enough to catch their breath every few kisses. After the first movie, Alex got up to collect himself and went to make the popcorn while Michael found a new movie and distracted him by kissing his neck where he stood watching the popcorn spin.

"I need to tell you something, Michael."

Michael immediately pulled back. Alex pressed the button to stop the popcorn and turned around.

"My father visited me at work today and then I went to see him afterwards."

"He wanted to tell you to stay away from me."

Alex nodded. "He threatened me when I told him nothing he could do to stop me from dating you this time. Then he made vague threats about my boyfriend. I told him if he-"

Michael crowded into Alex's space and cupped the sides of the other man's neck, thumbs stroking his jaw. Alex stopped talking to stare at him.

"…Michael?"

"What did you tell him?"

"That I might have been a powerless kid the last time he threatened you but he would find a very different opponent if he tried anything again. Is that okay?"

"Yes. We'll deal with whatever he throws at us."

Alex smiled and pulled Michael into a kiss. "Let's eat popcorn and you can tell me all about what to expect on Saturday."

"I don't really know," Michael said. "I've never taken someone to family dinner before."

Alex nuzzled into Michael's neck. "Really?"

Michael shrugged. "There's this guy…"

"Well, _this_ guy is very happy to be going with you."

Michael pressed him back into the counter. "Me too, never been another person I'd want to take."

Alex kissed him and they curled up with popcorn and another movie.

**The End**


End file.
